Friday, February 18, 2011

How to Survive a Robot Uprising

As foretold by Jeopardy!, the machines are going to take over and we are now doomed to a fate worse than death. John Conner better send a hacked robot back in time to kill Dr. David Ferrucci and his ungodly creation, The Watson. Ewwwhh, I tremble just hearing its name. Thank God I already own a copy of How to Survive a Robot Uprising by Daniel H. Wilson PhD. Now if I could only find it...

Seriously though, how wouldn't the machine win? With a database larger than some people's apartments and a button pushing reaction time that is 38 times faster than a normal human, I have no choice but to call SHENANIGANS! While you have to give credit to the team behind Watson for putting us one step closer to sitting in the captain's chair of the Starship Enterprise, that was absolutely ridiculous. Of course a computer controlling a solenoid that pushes a button will be able to push said button faster than a human; that's why we invented computer controlled solenoids. I digress.

We better start stockpiling alcohol though. The robots are going to consume so much more than us to fuel their power cells. The breweries aren't going to be able to produce enough. The world will be a wreck. It'll be worse than prohibition. I can see the war between the machines and humans now, fought over the last case of some garbage like I.C. Light. It'll be an extremely sad chapter in human existence. I'm going to do all I can to prevent it by stockpiling as much as possible now. I guess I shouldn't have drank one of my last two Magic Hat Odd Notion Limited Edition Fall 2010 Witbiers! The Belgian style wit was a little strange, with hints of green apple along side the normal coriander, orange peel, and wheat, but I loved it. I should have carefully aged it for the years ahead when finding beer will be worse than finding gasoline in the post-apocalyptic Mad Max wasteland.

Prepare for the inevitable: buy beer. Make sure it's good beer though...Coors Lite doesn't age well.

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