the last time i drove to cleveland there was a car on fire in the middle of the street, and to passers-by it seemed completely normal...

I was anxiously awaiting yesterday's ratings to be posted. The Mentalist is by far one of the best shows on television. Last night they once again proved it by completely dominating in their time slot and coming in second overall (behind American Idol)[1]. So far this season, it is rated at #9, but other than NCIS and NCIS: Los Angeles, every show above them is some sort of singing, dancing, or sporting competition. So as far as actual produced/filmed in a studio with actors TV shows go, The Mentalist is #3[2]. Crime dramas can be pretty entertaining, but I always like to laugh, and The Mentalist delivers a great mix. I just spent the last few weeks catching up on missed shows and from season one till now the winning formula really hasn't changed. I guess that is why this show has never been "on the bubble." When you average 15 million viewers a week, you probably aren't going anywhere. Which is great; it's a winning formula for a reason...which is what confuses me about beer. There are so many good beers that are "here today and gone tomorrow." While the craft beer industry seems to be constantly growing [3], it makes me wonder, why do they cancel my favorite beers? I would have thought that it followed the same formula as TV: if people like it, keep selling it. That's why we probably won't see Patrick Jane catch Red John anytime soon. So why doesn't Great Lakes Brewing Company apply this to their beer? Their Grassroots Ale was in a seasonal mix pack I bought last spring and it instantly became one of my all time favorites. I haven't seen it since. Great Lakes' website lists it as a "pub exclusive," so if it is popular enough to keep around at your pub, then why not bring it back to the masses? How doesn't this make logical sense? I want to buy it, you have the ability to sell it, yet you don't. It reminds me of every TV network's Tuesday line-up: They've got the good stuff, they're just selling it some other day while Tuesday remains this strange day of the week where there is nothing on TV, and if you want to buy Grassroots Ale, you have to drive to Cleveland. It just seems backwards.

Better Beer Just a Few Blocks from Here...

I went to see Adam Carolla live last night. It was in Pittsburgh's Cultural District, at the Byham Theater, which is a member of Pittsburgh's Cultural Trust. When I go to a comedy show, I expect to have a couple drinks. When it’s at a larger scale place that doesn't have to sell drinks to make money, because ticket prices are ridiculously high, I never really know what to expect. For a glimmering second I actually thought that they might have good, locally brewed beer, as a nice representation of our local beer culture. It made sense, but luckily I only had that thought for about a second. In actuality, I was faced with bottles of Corona, Blue Moon, Miller Lite, Yuengling, and I’m forgetting one, but it’s probably for the best.  At first I considered having a Blue Moon, which I imagine they sell to please the “beer snobs” but I always remember my 21st birthday. I purchased Killian's Irish Red hoping to drink a good Irish beer that wasn't a stout. I realized after the first sip that something was amiss. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I could taste metal, and it just seemed wrong. After a little research, I realized I was tricked by MolsonCoors into buying one of their “craft” beers and what I was tasting was their profit margins and preservatives. I’ll skip my reasons for not liking Miller, but the distain starts somewhere around the spelling of “Lite” and ends with the realization that there is more flavor in Mon River water. I ended up purchasing one $4.75 bottle of Yuengling which the cashier promptly poured into a plastic cup without tilting it, prompting me to bend over the counter and suck the overflowing head off the top before it spilled everywhere and made my cup sticky. What a bummer. Right up the street is the East End Brewery, The Church Brew Works, and the Pennsylvania Brewing Company. All local companies with distribution systems. The Pittsburgh Cultural Trust could easily sell their products.  That isn’t even mentioning the Hoffbräuhaus, Rivertowne Pour House, or Rock Bottom Brewery, who don’t distribute their beer, but could easily strike some partnership with the Cultural Trust to bring better and culturally significant beer into their venues. In the end I guess they don’t care, or they would at least offer draft beer, which has much larger profit margins than bottled. They probably make enough money off of the “souvenir” sippy cup that you have to pay $3 extra for if you want to take your drink into the theater. If only they would put Carolla back on TV, I would get to laugh at his jokes while drinking good beer on my couch instead of fighting over the center armrest with the guy next to me, thirsty, hot, and cramped. Adam Carolla even joked that when he was on TV there’d be no way in hell he’d come to Pittsburgh on a Thursday night, so it isn’t like he is opposed to the idea. With the rush of pilots being produced for next season, we will once again be stuck with a bunch of crap that isn’t worth watching, but at least I can watch it without having to drink a Blue Moon.

Charlie Sheen. What the Chuck?

When all of the major news outlets were bursting with crazy Charlie Sheen interviews, I told myself I wasn’t going to write about it. I never really liked Charlie Sheen, I thought Two and a Half Men was mediocre at best, and his best work was sitting in the police station in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. (He probably didn't realize at the time that he'd be playing this role for most of his real life.) I was hoping that if we all ignored him he would go away. Well, his very carefully orchestrated “madness” seems to have no end in sight. After breaking a world record by getting one million followers on Twitter in one day and now having over three million, it appears no one is ignoring him. I can’t for one second believe that he is actually crazy. People that freebase coke are not that coherent. He’s faking it, or better, “acting.” Good for him though, his crazy act is selling out shows fast and he already has Chuck Lorre and CBS begging him to come back. You can tell the world is a mess when repeats of Two and a Half Men are surpassing good shows in the ratings. Oh well, I guess it proves that “any publicity is good publicity.” So, hats off to Charlie Sheen, congratulations, you’re "winning." I just can't wait till he crashes and burns. It is evident that his "rants" are actually well written and rehearsed, which they should be since he is a professional actor. But that is the problem: he is trying to sell us this crazy Charlie Sheen, creating hype and publicity in order to fatten his wallet.  So I drink this beer in honor of you, Sheen! Drink up while you can because at 8.2% alcohol by volume, Southern Tier’s 2XIPA, an American Double/Imperial IPA, will eventually knock you off your feet and we'll all barely remember "that time Charlie Sheen acted crazy, or maybe was, but who cares cause he's probably dead now, or at least his career is."  It is full of all the usual IPA flavor suspects, but being an Imperial, it is stuffed to the brim. Overwhelming but expected, the abundance of grapefruit, citrus, and pine smells and flavors mask the high alcohol content. It perfectly represents the path I think this Sheen epidemic will take. It’s all fun at first, you drink a couple, feel great, but then the hidden high alcohol hits hard. If you're Sheen, I imagine it will crash down hard in the form of snorting a few grams of coke, leaving to pick up some prostitutes, and then spinning your car backwards off Mulholland Drive. Luckily, you’ll be so wired, you’ll walk home and probably forget everything. The next morning the police will be at your house helping you fill out a “stolen vehicle report.” But lucky for us, we aren’t Charlie Sheen, so “overdoing it” with this big IPA results in you going to sleep early and waking up with a slight hangover. You might not want to session this beer all day, just like you wouldn’t want to go on a road trip with Charlie Sheen.


Charlie Sheen's car

Charlie's other car

Charlie looking like a wreck

A relatively safe alternative

None of these pictures were used with permission. Thank you, internet.

What the Chuck?

    A chain of events led me to this blog. In the February 2011 issue of Grassroots Motorsports there was a small blurb about Adam Carolla’s CarCast pod cast show. I knew that this show existed and even though I like both cars and comedy, I never downloaded it. I decided to listen, starting with the oldest episode that Carolla’s website still hosted, the show from the 29th week of 2010. Zach Levi was the guest and it was pretty entertaining. For the most part they talked about Levi’s Nissan GT-R, how he was snubbed when he “drunk dialed” Toyota trying to purchase their $375k+ Lexus LFA super car, and their shared experience at the Toyota Grand Prix of Long Beach Celebrity Race. Levi also promoted his show, Chuck. I figured if Levi could be that entertaining on a pod cast I’d have to watch his show, and I started scanning hulu.com.  Being thrown right into the thick of season four didn’t give me much hope of figuring out the back story but it was entertaining enough that I decided to start at the beginning. In the last few weeks I’ve watched the entire series to this point. I have to say, it’s a pretty good show. I guess it got under my radar this long because I usually end up watching How I Met Your Mother and, before it was moved in a plot by CBS to destroy NBC’s Community, The Big Bang Theory during the Chuck timeslot. Well, if I were a Nielsen Family I’d start watching Chuck instead. Maybe I’m just getting tired of the endless road that Ted Mosby is traveling while looking for his children’s mother (which has no end in sight since they are renewed for two more years), or maybe it’s because Chuck is good, but since I started this blog, I also started to pay a lot more attention to show ratings and Chuck needs viewers. I was looking forward to last Monday's episode because How I Met Your Mother was a repeat. I wanted to see how many crossover viewers there were and if Chuck would have a spike in ratings. It ended up being the lowest rated episode of Chuck this season. I’m not sure exactly how show renewals work but Chuck has been steadily losing viewers each season, which is never good. NBC originally ordered 13 episodes for season four with the option of nine more. When NBC decided they wanted nine more, all seemed well for Chuck, but I think the kiss of death was delivered when they asked for an additional two. You can do a lot of series wrap-ups in two episodes; just ask LOST. It has been said online that a 22 episode fifth season would really help with syndication, getting Chuck to the magic 100 episode mark, but I guess only time will tell. Let’s hope Kabletown does the right thing.

Ask, or you'll never receive...

Since St. Patrick’s Day is in less than a week, I’ve decided to devote a little more time to Irish stouts. While it might not be the biggest drinking day of the year, I’d bet hands down that more stout is consumed this day than any other beer.

The Great Debate: Guinness vs. Everyone Else. Guinness seems to be the staple Irish beer, but I'd rather drink something else. The biggest problem for me is Guinness themselves. As I have said before, I prefer to drink my nitrogenated beer while it is leveling. It’s a personal choice, one that I believe is superior in every way. I have a hard time respecting Guinness as a brand when their website and various ad campaigns promote ruining every pint poured by letting it "settle" and then topping it off. The relatively negative folklore that surrounds this practice is that cheap/poor Irish workers pinching every penny wanted their money’s worth when drinking in the pub. Instead of consuming their beer when it would have been most delicious they'd rather get that extra 0.5 oz of beer in their glasses. Why Guinness chooses to promote the practice is beyond me. While the beer they produce is okay, clearly they don't have taste, or they would have abandoned this and served their beer leveling. Instead, they promote it as if drinking it any other way makes lumps you in with "stupid Americans" that don’t know the proper way to drink Guinness.

When in a bar ordering a beer, take a look at their tap handles. While I would personally prefer trying something craft brewed, the places with craft options are probably pretty credible sources for good beer already. The rest of the bars, that offer an array of bad American beer and that will probably have Guinness as their sole import, especially for St. Patrick’s Day, can benefit from people asking for better beer. While they won’t have it, hopefully it will help down the line and eventually better beer choices will be everywhere. For a regular bar that doesn’t specialize in craft brewed beer, Murphy’s is an easy step towards replacing Guinness. For one, it tastes better than Guinness. It is easily a session beer. It wouldn't be much more expensive or difficult for a bar to offer and would still give them the same profit margins. It's a win-win for everyone. So, this St. Patrick’s Day, ask for a Murphy’s, and maybe next year they’ll actually have it.

How to drink beer in 4 easy steps!

With St. Patrick's Day just a couple weeks away I thought it was high time I show the masses (all three of you that follow my blog) the proper way to consume nitrogenated Irish stout. Do yourself (and your liver) a favor by skipping the plastic yards of dyed green Miller Genuine Trash for something a little more true to the spirit of the day. Splurge a little and buy yourself a quality Irish draft. While out on the town I can almost guarantee the only Irish stout you will see is Guinness. They would have you believe that the only proper way to drink their stout is to pour it, let it settle, top it off, let it settle again, and then enjoy. I don't care what they say, nitrogenated beer should be consumed as soon as it is poured. With Guinness, it gives actual clarity to the flavors of the beer. Letting it settle and then topping off is ridiculous and ruins what could have been beautiful. It might be a little difficult to receive your beer in this superior state while at a bar since Guinness has every bartender this side of the Atlantic "trained" in the horrible method of ruining beer. I have requested my beer "while it's leveling" on several occasions and had to explain that I simply meant, "Fill my glass all the way to the top, do not let it settle, and hand it to me A.S.A.P!" While you might get a superior leveling stout before it's too late, you also risk the chance of making an enemy of the bartender, but it’s nothing a good tip can't fix. All hope is not lost though. Not to sound like a jerk by telling you something you already know, but beer is cheaper by the case and you can pour it properly yourself.

Step 1: Get your can and glass ready.

It is wrong on so many levels to pour Murphy's into a Guinness glass.

Step 2: Crack open that can and start pouring.

 You shouldn't pour straight like this; it is better to hold the glass at a 45° angle.

Letting something this beautiful just sit and wait to be drank would be a sin so...

Step 3: Drink your beer!

Step 4: Look at what is left in your glass: Guinness would rather you drink an entire glass of this. Once you finish what is left, you will realize they are wrong and that it was far superior while leveling.

Since this blog is also about TV, I'll just cover my bases by saying almost everything on Thursday was a repeat. But feel free to go to http://www.guinness.com/, click on "The Beer," and then select the glass of Guinness. There will be a side bar that says "How to Pour the Perfect Guinness." Watch that video and note at 27 seconds when he says "stop," that is when the glass should be filled the rest of the way and then instantly consumed.

It's cold outside.

Being stuck in the house accomplishing almost nothing, the question dawned on me: “Am I wasting my life?” Looking through the list of 198 Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes on  my hard drive, I started to wonder if I should spend almost 13 (nonstop) days in front of the TV. To think about wasting two weeks in front of the TV just seems nuts, and that’s just one show! There were 121 episodes of LOST. I watched every one. 121 hours of my life gone, and for what? To realize that the writers totally copped out and had no idea where they were going.

I live in this frozen ice hell by choice though, so I’m gonna go drink another beer and watch TV until spring. Which reminds me, I picked up Magic Hat Brewing Company’s “Spring Fever Mix!” 

The graphic design on this is pretty cool. I’ve always liked boom boxes. (For you kids that don’t know, that thing on the front is a cassette tape. While being about the same size as an IPod, they only hold a couple of albums and require a stereo to play.)  Inside the case, Magic Hat’s staple, #9, is always refreshing. It used to be rated at 4.6% alcohol but this is the second different seasonal variety pack I’ve bought where it’s listed at 5.1%. I assume it is a permanent change at this point and welcome it. The extra alcohol gives it a little more kick that gets rid of the excessive apricot taste, leaving you with more than enough to know this isn’t a normal ale, but not overpoweringly so.  Also always present in their variety packs is Circus Boy, an American-style hefeweizen. While I prefer a real German weiss, their version isn’t offensive and its relatively low alcohol (4.4%) makes it very drinkable which is a plus. I’m diggin’ the seasonal amber lager, Vinyl. I usually don’t like the muted taste of lagers but this one was smooth and full of flavor, a nice combination. The final beer in this mix is Demo, a black india pale ale. This style contradicts itself in so many ways. How can you have a pale black? It pours dark but it has all of the taste of an IPA. It’s no secret that I love IPAs, and this style intrigues me. I would have thought that mixing in a bunch of dark malts would pretty much change the beer entirely, but really it just adds to the experience. So if you’re as bored as me in these last couple months of winter, I recommend wasting away on the couch with a case of Magic Hat’s Spring Fever Mix and 198 episodes (plus one feature length movie) of Mystery Science Theater 3000.